Tuesday, November 15, 2016

Let me hear your voice

There have been some life changing things going on in my family the past few months that rocked. my. world. As I have mentioned before, I look to music for strength a lot of the time.  Oh how I wish songwriting was one of the gifts I was blessed with. This has been my jam for a while now, but only recently did it genuinely strike a chord.

I knew the first time I heard it I was going to go home and look up the lyrics to really see what the song was saying.  Do y'all do that? Sometimes, for me to fully understand the message being sung I have to look at the words and sort of meditate on them.  These days, meditating for me is just a fancy way of saying that during the time I'm cooking dinner, and I have wild banshees running around my house, I take a few moments to think about the prayer the artist is singing.

"Before I bring my need I will bring my heart"

So simple, and yet this is one of the harder struggles I deal with.  I find it fairly (I use that word loosely) easy to pray when I need/want something, but when time comes to sit and just be with our Lord I get restless.  Maybe its because silence is something that isn't really heard of here at casa de Copeland.  Pun intended.  I think that was a pun. Yes? Anyway.  What Miss Daigle is saying right there in the very first line of the song is as basic as it needs to be.  Before I start asking for answered prayers and miracles to be performed, I am called to sit and simply give Him my heart.  A humble and vulnerable thing to do, but necessary.

"I wanna seek you first"

I know I've talked a little about my prayer life before, but I figured I'll tell you a little more.  God and I have a funny relationship in where He tries to tell me what I'm supposed to do, but I don't always get the message.  Because of this, drastic measures are taken. (i.e., suddenly and unexpectedly losing my job because I wasn't listening to the signs that I needed to stay home.)   However, I am so thankful that through the craziness of my life, I have seen the part He has played.

"In every moment, in every season....I wanna seek you"

This is something I want my children to learn from me. I want them to look and find His presence in e v e r y t h i n g.  I know that ONLY because of my faith I am stronger.  Stronger when times are hard and heartbreakingly sad.  Stronger when the happiest of happy times are being celebrated.  Because of my faith I am aware that my soul is on loan only until I am called to prayerfully live for eternity with all the angels and Saints, rejoicing at the feet of our Lord.  So while I'm here, I want to make sure no matter what may be thrown my way, I am able to withstand and know He is there.

This has been a little challenging through the whole saga that started with my dad's heart attack while working out of state to his recent cancer diagnosis. Thankfully though, I have been blessed with a Dad who knows how to cling to his faith and fully trust that God has control of all of this.  As he likes to say "I'm not sick, I just have cancer." :)  I need to take a lesson from him.

All in all, you guys, what I have to keep reminding myself is that God is a loving God.  He is there whether or not I realize.  I've noticed that if I have missed Mass, or I'm not running to him in prayer, I'm a lot more susceptible to the "unhappy thoughts".  So why do I fight it? Why do I fight Him? If I know I'm better with Him, what's the problem? That's something I'm working on so for now I'll just try to remember not to complicate things and seek him first in everything.

I still have a hard time wrapping my head around the kind of crazy love He has for us.

This is the inside of the beautiful St. Mary's church in Bismarck, North Dakota. 

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