Monday, January 11, 2016

Procrastination at its finest.

This may be a little late, but since Christmas techinally only ended yesterday I figured I could get away with still saying Merry Christmas :)

I had so many posts that I was going to write throughout the Advent and Christmas seasons, but as you can tell, none of  those happened.  To summarize our holiday, I succeeded at some things and failed at others. (I'm looking at you, my sad Jesse Tree with only two ornaments for the whole season).  But you know what, even though I'm not that mom who has fun crafts all the time, my kids had an amazing Christmas and I was reminded once again how awesome our lives really are.

I should mention, however, thanks to a few girl friends. We all painted peg dolls for a Nativity so that got chalked up in the win column!  Here's a picture of Fred, our elf, playing with our Nativity scenes (because you can't just have one!) on his last day at our home.

I have a few things planned for this new year, but for some reason my mind just isn't there yet.  My sister-in-law, Jessica, and I talked about how when it comes to blogging (for us) it has to be done when we're feeling on our game.  I feel like my mind needs to be in the capacity to form meaningful posts filled with just the right amount of wit, and sometimes when my kids are napping (who am I kidding its usually only #2 who sleeps) I just want to sit on the couch and watch my "Dallas Cowboys Cheerleaders: Making the Team" reruns, not actually use the time to get those brain juices flowing.  This is something I've resolved to change about myself.  To be more intentional with my time.

I want the word "intentional" to be one of my words this year;

Intentional with my time.

Intentional with my words.

Intentional with my prayers.

Intentional with my relationships.

I have a few others but I'll save that for another post because I really want you all to take some time to read this post I found on  Patricia spoke to my heart, and know I'm not alone!

"I crave real people, you know, the kind that I can connect with. The kind that I can visit on the days when I just don’t think I am capable of surviving one more day. I want to walk into a friends home and have her pour me a cup of tea while offering me a seat on a couch that needs laundry moved off of it, just like mine. I want to let my kids run off with her kids, hollering, laughing, and bringing joy to one another. I don’t want her to judge me for my struggles. I want her to listen, empathize, and tell me that my kids and I are normal and that she has shared in my struggles. I want to be the friend that offers her the same when she is struggling.
I say that I trust in the Lord and that I ask him for guidance; however, there are honestly some days where I start the day and move through it going from task to task never once remembering to pray. I don’t want to admit that I have days where I forget to pray, or admit that some days I am angry with God for whatever it may be and I just don’t want to pray. I don’t want to be vulnerable and open up. There are days I just don’t want to do things His way. I really, really don’t want to admit that the days that I don’t want to listen are much harder than the days where I pray asking for God’s guidance and turn my life over to his plan. Nope that stubborn part of me refuses to acknowledge what I know deep down. I’m human and I’m no Saint. I do strive for it, but the Lord only knows if I will ever be capable of that type of selfless life.
I want to matter to the world, I want to be somebody, those feelings are known as the temptation towards pride of life. I just learned there is a phrase for the three temptations we are constantly fighting against, thank you St. John. The threefold concupiscence: The lust of the flesh, the lust of the eyes, and pride of life. Somedays I wonder what would happen if I recorded all of the temptations I encounter on a single day. It might look something like this.
  • I want a big sugary donut (lust of the flesh)
  • I want to sleep in; can’t the kids just go watch tv (lust of the flesh)
  • I want my bedroom to look like that Pinterest picture (lust of the eyes)
  • I should be doing more with my degree (pride of life)
The list would get quite lengthy I’m sure. The threefold concupiscence is around every corner. The devil never rests, fighting him is exhausting, and quite honestly I fail constantly.
The Lord has offered me all I could ever want. Yet, the devil is right there throwing everything he’s got at me. Man is he relentless! The best tool to use against him; human connection and true presence that comes from face to face friendships. Yep that’s right eventually I was going to get back to my original point. I crave and want that friend who I can just drop in on and she will care for my wounded spirit. How is it possible an entire generation of moms, myself included, has given up on face-to-face nurturing friendships for the digital likes of 400 Facebook friends? What???? My digital friend does not soothe my broken spirit or dry my tears of fear and anxiety. When I am run down, too bitter, and stubborn to pray with regularity I am the devil’s prime target. He has got me right where he wants me. That’s when I am the most vulnerable and because those face-to-face friendships have been replaced by all my digital friends I check out and seek comfort in Facebook and Pinterest and mommy blogs. There I am met with threefold concupiscence and I’m weak so I will likely give in to those temptations once again."

So get ready, friends of mine.  I'll be calling to hang out!  At the same time, please know that if you want to drop by and chat for a little while you are always welcome!

I hope you all had a Merry Christmas and are enjoying a Happy New Year :)

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